The Other Santa


James’s Note: You voted for Christmas Karma, and that’s what we’re delivering. I’m a big fan of alternate Santa mythology, so that’s largely where this came from. Also, if you ever get a chance, Google the connection between Odin and Santa Clause. Thank me later.


Joey was crouched under the coffee table, couch cushions piled in front of him for concealment. From his hiding spot, he had a perfect view of the chimney. He was going to see Santa Claus when he came down it, no matter how long he had to stay up.

His dad had told him that Santa wasn’t real, and that’s why he wasn’t getting any presents this year. Joey told his dad he was full of it. After all, his dad always said mean things when he got drunk. Which was most of the time. On the bright side, his dad had been too drunk to get out of bed and hit him for mouthing off.

Joey’s plan was to stay up and see Santa Claus, proving his dad was a liar.

Late into the night, as Joey was starting to nod off, he was snapped back to attention by a banging and thudding coming from the chimney. Joey beamed. He knew he was about to see Santa.

Sure enough, a man started climbing out of the fireplace. As he came into view, he sure didn’t look like Joey was expecting.

He was big, all right, like they say Santa’s supposed to be, but this man was enormous. His hat almost scraped the ceiling, and he looked far too wide to even fit through the fireplace.

His stomach was huge, like a vast boulder, but his shoulders were broader, giving him a hulking muscular look. He carried a leather sack over one shoulder that was so dark it seemed to swallow the light.

He was dressed like Santa, kind of. Except Joey expected Santa to wear red, and this man was dressed in black furs trimmed with white. His white beard cascaded down over his belly, and had beads of stone and bone braided into it. His hair, under his hat, was shaved on the sides, viking style.

Joey peeked out from his fort, attracting the huge man’s attention.

When he spoke, his voice was a deep bass rumble Joey could feel in his chest. 

“What are you doing up, boy? You should be in bed.”

Joey’s eyes were wide as saucers. “Dad said Santa wasn’t real.”

“Did he, now?” The voice was slow and heavy. “I’ll have to have a word with him about that. He and I already have a lot to talk about.”

Joey crawled out from under the table. “Did you bring me any presents?” Joey asked, hopefully.

“No, boy. I’m here for your father, not you.” He walked past Joey, his footsteps heavy as he approached the bedroom were his dad was passed out. “Saint Nicolas will be along later with your presents.”

Joey tilted his head, confused. He knew Saint Nick was another name for Santa Claus. “You’re not Santa?”

The big man laughed. It sounded like thunder. “No boy, I’m not Santa.” As he opened the bedroom door, he pulled from his sack a long, thick bullwhip made of the same black leather as the sack.

“I’m Black Peter.”

The door slammed shut behind him. It was a good five minutes before Joey heard the screams.

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Frost Bite


Sharon’s Note: Thanks for reading my Christmas Karma story! This is very loosely based on an old Russian fairy tale that I loved as a kid. It creeped me out, but I read it again and again. This probably explains a lot about adult me. Oh well. Warning: Not your Rankin/Bass Jack Frost.


I acknowledged that it was infinitely colder in other parts of the country, but this was south Texas. It only occasionally dropped below freezing. At night. In the depths of winter. Somehow at four in the afternoon it was twenty-four degrees out and cloudy. Of course, all I had to wear was a windbreaker over my warmest tee-shirt. Thank God I had a decent pair of boots.

It was a half hour walk home from school, which normally I didn’t mind. It would have been longer if I kept to my father’s rules of keeping to the sidewalks instead of cutting through the town cemetery. When Mom died, and I had to move in with Dad and his wife, he’d given lip service to setting rules and boundaries. He hadn’t backed up any of those rules, and we’d barely had a single conversation in the last year. 

I’d spoken more with my step-mother, Genie, and step-sister Savanna. Genie often decried that she didn’t want me in her home. She only did the bare minimum for me, which was more than my Dad did. Savanna was used to being an only child and resented the hell out of me. She often screamed at me and stole my things. My step-sister was also getting a ride today while I had to walk because, as Genie informed me, I was not her responsibility. It was the last day of school before the holiday break, and I couldn’t even get a little Christmas charity.

Frost and dead grass crunched under my feet as I stomped across the cemetery’s lawn. There was a guy across the cemetery in a weird blue homespun t-shirt making a snowman over one of the graves. My first thought was that he was crazy or high, because he had to be freezing in the snow, and, you know, building a snowman on a grave.

He turned and looked at me, head cocked to the side like a curious raptor. In a quick, easy lope, he crossed the distance to me. I was a little nervous watching the guy approach so quickly, and my nerves were not soothed when he stopped three feet in front of me. He didn’t look right. Oh, he was handsome enough, but his hair and eyes were ice white, and his features were unnaturally sharp. 

“Now why is a pretty girl like you wandering off to freeze among the dead?” His grin was predatory.

“Oh, you know, just trying to get home so I don’t freeze.” I forced a smile. 

“Why aren’t you wearing a heavier coat?” He began to circle me like a shark. “You are cold, aren’t you?”

“Ah, I’m a Texan. We don’t get cold.” I chuckled, more nervous than amused. “Honestly, I don’t have another coat.” 

“Poor thing.” The man said, but there was more contemplation than pity in his voice. “So what is such a pretty girl doing in walking alone in this kind of weather?”

I shrugged. “Couldn’t get a ride.”

“You don’t realize how much you say with your few words and humor. You are cold and hurting, and that has nothing to do with the snow.” He reached out a hand and brushed at my hair without touching my skin.

“Yeah, well I lost someone not that long ago and my home situation isn’t really ideal.” 

“Is someone hurting you?” An icy wind cut across the cemetary like a blade and his eyes glittered menacingly.

I shuddered, not sure if it was actually getting colder or if I was just afraid. “No, nothing like that. We just don’t get along. It’s fine, though. I’m getting a job once the spring semester starts so I can save up some money to move out once I graduate. Things will be better then.”

He considered this for a moment before asking, “So you need money to make things better?”

“Well, yeah.” I watched in bafflement as he reached behind his back and produced a brown leather pouch and tossed it at me. It clinked as I caught it. “What’s this?”

“Gold. I’m assuming that humans still use it. I’ve seen shops with signs saying they buy it. There should be enough in there to benefit you at least somewhat. In bygone eras, that was enough gold to make up a sizable dowery. I don’t know if that is still a thing, but if it is, find yourself someone kind. You seem like a good girl who deserves it.” 

“Um, thanks.” I hefted the bag, wonder where he’d gotten it, and if it was really full of gold. He leaned in causing me to start, his eyes sparkled playfully. 

“If I thought you could take the cold, I might marry you myself. You are pretty and brave. You do amuse me. Unfortunately, I fear the slightest touch of my lips would chill you to the . . . bone.” The last word he murmured so close to my own lips that his breath tickled across them creating a light frost. My stomach dropped. Nothing human was cold like that.

“What. . . who are you?” I whispered, lips so cold they could barely form the words.

He pulled away with a delighted bray. The wind picked up again, this time so hard it ripped snow from the ground in a small blizzard. Among the screaming of the brief gale I heard the name, Jack. When the wind died down a moment later, he was gone.

I don’t think I ever made better time on the way home, running the entire way. I didn’t tell anyone that I met Jack Frost in the local cemetery. The bag he’d given me was full of assorted gold coins. I hid them under my mattress, because he was right. You could sell gold at any pawn shop. 

Predictably, Sierra found the coins. She’d been going through my things again while I was taking a shower to warm up. She threatened to hand them over to my step-mother if I didn’t tell her where I’d gotten them, so I told her the whole story. I warned her not to go to the cemetery until the weather warmed up. I even offered to split the coins with her if she just stayed inside. She threw the pouch back at me and said that she didn’t need my gold before stomping out of my room.

I should have known what Sierra was going to do, but I think my brain was still partially frozen. When she didn’t come down for breakfast in the morning, we all thought she was just sleeping in. The cops showed up around noon. She’d been found frozen to death in the cemetery. Apparently she hadn’t been as amusing as me.

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Tales From the Gun Shop: Guardian


James’s Note: I have always been fascinated with the stories behind important objects. That’s what inspired this series. The stories of each gun are inspired by real events.

In the last building of an otherwise empty strip mall, there is a gun shop. Its location isn’t important. You’ll find it, if you need to. Every gun there has a history . The guns will even tell them to you, if you listen. 


If you approach the first gun on display, you will see a placard. 

Model: Mosberg 500, pump action shotgun 

Caliber: 12 gauge 

Condition: Excellent

If you lean close, it will whisper to you. It will tell you its story. 

“A young father bought me brand new from a sporting goods store. I was his first gun. His daughter had just been born, and he wanted to be able to protect her.

He took me to the shooting range, and to the field behind his uncle’s house. He learned how to shoot me, clean me, and handle me safely. We even tried breaking clays a few times, but neither of us were made well for that.

For years I stood guard by his bed. Other guns came and went, but I was the one he reached for when there was a bump in the night.

And then his little girl was older, and he took us into the field to teach her how to shoot. She shot the .22s and handguns and learned how to be safe. She wanted to shoot me too, since I was Daddy’s gun.

He told her I would kick too hard for her. She insisted she wasn’t afraid and that she wanted to shoot just like him. He finally relented. 

I left bruises on her shoulder, but she said she loved me anyway. She said I was her favorite.

As time went on, the little girl fell in love with shooting. Her great uncle took us into the field and taught her how to break clays. He taught her to take aim, stay calm and breath. It wasn’t long before she was better than me. She rarely missed.

For Christmas she got a beautiful 20 gauge. It was sleek and pretty and made just for her. After that, she didn’t take me out shooting much any more. That was ok. I knew what my job was.

As she grew up, she won trophies, championships and hearts were ever she went. She loved her shotgun, and he got all the applause. I wasn’t jealous. Her father wanted her to be safe and happy. That’s what I wanted too.

One night the girl was alone, her parents out late on a date. She was watching a movie on the coach when the front door cracked as it was kicked in. 

She had seconds before the three men were in the house. She didn’t waste them. She flew up the stairs to her parent’s room. Her gun was locked up in the safe, but I was loaded by the bed. She grabbed me. I was ready. 

When she looked out the bedroom door, they were coming up the stairs. The one in back saw me and raised a pistol. 

Take aim. Stay calm. Breath. 

She squeezed the trigger. 

BOOM!

She didn’t miss.

I know it hurt her ears in the small hallway, but she didn’t flinch.

The one in back was still falling as she racked my slide and fired again. She was smooth and fast. The buckshot took the middle one in the chest and he went tumbling down the stairs. 

The front man was the last. He was on her when I went off again. The shot almost took his head off and sprayed her with blood.

When it was over, she called the police, then her father. The police almost beat him home. He held her and they both cried. 

He told her he was proud of her. She asked if she could keep me by her bed from now on. She said I was her favorite.

I am the gun that protects that which is most precious.”

The last line of the placard reads,

Name: Guardian

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Wrong Number & Friendly Reminder


Sharon’s note: Is anyone else a little creeped out by telemarketers and phone scammers? Especially the ones that begin with a robot voice. I usually hang up as soon as I hear a machine pick up, so I don’t know what happens in the rest of the message. There’s probably nothing interesting there, but . . . anyway, these two micro-fictions are presented together, because they’re too short for a weekly post on their own. Enjoy. Warning: Author being alone in a house where the only noise is ticking clocks and robot call and her imagination running away with her.


Wrong Number

Dennis and Chelsea were discussing the possibility of going out for ice cream when Chelsea’s phone rang. She didn’t recognize the number, but answered it anyway out of curiosity.

Please hold for an important message:” A pleasant female mechanical voice droned. Chelsea was about to hang up to resume her conversation when the line picked up and a voice as deep and dark as space that rumbled like walking mountains, thundered, “Alexander Dunningham, you have been chosen. The Old Gods call for you to worship us. Come, and we will bestow upon you our dark glory. . .”

“Um, excuse me? This isn’t Alexander.” 

. . . It isn’t?

“No. Who is this?”

That is inconsequential. Our apologies mortal girl, for the interruption.” And the resounding voice of ages hung up.

Chelsea blinked stupidly for a few seconds before Dennis prompted, “Wrong number?”

“Umm,” She stared at her phone, unsure what to think of anything that had just happened. “I guess so?”


Friendly Reminder

Chelsea ate her cereal without enthusiasm. She had just gotten out of bed thirty minutes ago and the day already sucked. The toilet was broken, she was out of coffee, and her boyfriend, Dennis, had just texted her that he wouldn’t be able to make her birthday party tomorrow because his buddies really needed him for some kind of video game tournament. Oh, yeah, and her period was starting.

Her phone rang it’s merry little jingle and danced across the kitchen table. Chelsea tapped the speaker button and growled a surly, “Hello?”

Please hold for an important message:” The mechanical voice made Chelsea hesitate before hanging up. It was probably an advertisement of some kind, but there was that one time. . .

A voice like black tar that bled through the broken skin of the earth to absorb your flesh and devour your soul oozed through the kitchen. “The Old Gods call to you. They bid you know that you are a beautiful song in the eternal darkness. Your worth is incalculable and all enemies and tribulations in your path will fall before your might. May the eternal void embrace you sweetly, and have a nice day.

The grave susurrous of darkness hung up, and Chelsea sat there with her cereal half-way to her mouth, wondering what was wrong with her that she felt a little better.

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The Legacy of a Guardian Bear


Sharon’s Note: Back to a familiar setting in the Magical Pawn Shop, a place that if you’re lucky, it gives you what you need rather than you what you ask for. Warning: Sappy sadness.


I’d already sold an antique watch that morning for a hundred bucks. The watch was attractive and hadn’t killed anyone that I knew of, so I hoped it made a good anniversary present for the lady’s husband. It was rare that I made more than one sale a day, so I was surprised when the bell over the door rang. An attractive woman in her early fifties walked through the door, she was hugging a teddy bear.

“Um, can I help you?” I asked, fidgeting on my stool behind the counter. 

“Yes.” The woman’s voice was soft and saturated with sadness. She placed the bear on the counter. I recognized the bear first. It was a truly old bear with dark brown fur and a lighter brown leather vest. On the left breast was pinned a tin star with the words ‘Theodore E. Bear’ painted on. It was only then that I recognized the woman. She was smiling gently at me. “I need to return this.”

I pretended not to know the woman. “Oh, huh, did you buy it here?”

“You should know. You sold it to me almost thirty years ago.” 

“What? That’s ridiculous.” I tried to laugh it off, but I was a terrible actress. I wasn’t fooling anyone. With a put upon sigh, I dropped the act. “You aren’t going to be weird about this, are you?”

“No.” The woman chuckled. “I figured out that there was something strange going on years ago. You were right, by the way. Whatever was attacking my daughter stopped after I gave her the bear. I never saw another cut or bruise on her. Thank you.”

“Um, you’re welcome.” I so rarely got to sell someone something benevolent, but it was even less often that I got a thank you. “You know, you don’t have to bring the bear back.”

“My daughter doesn’t need him anymore.” She shook her head, her eyes starting to get overly shiny. 

“Keep him for her kids then. I think he’d like to protect a family.” I pushed the bear towards her.

“My daughter died yesterday, giving birth to my first grandchild. Neither of them survived. I think she’d want Sheriff Teddy to go to someone else who needs him. So, please, take him. Give him to someone else to protect their child.” Tears were flowing freely from her eyes, now. 

Well, that lodged my foot firmly in my mouth. I nodded and turned on my stool to the register. “Ok. Let me see what I can give you for it.”

“I don’t need anything, just give him a good home.”

“That’s not the way this works.” I popped open the register. “You leave with no more or less than you came in with. You either pay or are paid exactly what is owed.”

The register, where I had not that long ago put in a hundred dollar bill, now only contained a single photograph. It was of a girl of maybe eight sitting on a twin bed, rocking a baby doll in her arms. I held it out to the woman, and she put one hand to her mouth as she took the photo.

“I took this picture a long time ago, but I thought I’d lost it. She always wanted to be a mother. She would have been a good mother.”

I gulped. “Well, fair payment, then.”

“Yes. Yes it is. Thank you again.” The woman didn’t even look at me as she turned and walked towards the door.

“You’re welcome.” I don’t think she heard me as she walked out the door. I took the bear and put him in his old spot, tears prickling my eyes, “Welcome home, Sheriff.”

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Witcher Man and the Case of the Wolf that Wasn’t, part 10


James’s Note: A big inspiration for the Witcher Man character is my love of people cheating their way out of no win situations. So, of course, Daniel always thinks he can come up with a clever way out, no matter what. Kind of like that Tony Stark line from avengers. the question is, will his solutions create more problems than they solve?


I knew Calvin from my past encounters with hunters. Hunters are of the world’s immune response. When the supernatural start throwing their weight around too much, people get fed up and strike back. For the most part, it helps keep a balance, but you have to keep an eye on hunters. If you can’t figure out why, ask anyone with an overactive immune system. 

Calvin saw me and immediately sliced through the chaos like some kind bullshit cutting laser. In no time, I was standing by the bedside of the dying hunter with everyone standing around me and staring like they were waiting for me to do a trick. Which was, in point of fact, exactly what they were waiting for. 

My messenger bag was open on the bed and I was examining the bitten hunter, whom I was told was named Reese. He was delirious from a ludicrously high fever, which was both good news and bad news. It was bad because it meant the virus had spread throughout his entire body, but good because it meant his body was still fighting back. That meant he was still firmly alive. That also meant the crazy shit I had planned would probably work, and hopefully, not get me killed in the process. 

Calvin looked at me gravely. “Is there anything you can do for him, Daniel?” he asked, “I know the virus is fatal as a rule, but I thought if anyone can break the rules, it would be you.” 

I smiled my best smile at him. “Try to keep that whole breaking the rules thing in mind for the next five minutes or so.” I said as I took Reese’s arm and injected it from my hypodermic needle. He lay there unchanging for almost a minute, then he began to thrash in a truly apocalyptic seizure. 

It took all of us, hunters, Witcher Man and Werewolf, to hold him down and keep him from snapping his own spine. Thank God no one tried to put their hand in his mouth to keep him from swallowing his tongue. A bite at this point would have screwed my already slim chances of making it through this without a body count. 

Every mouth in the room was hanging open as I examined Reese again, his convulsions dieing down. I checked his pulse and eyes, doing a field blood test I had in my bag. When I stood up, Reese was unconscious, but breathing steadily. 

“He should be stable for a while now” I said. 

“Are you telling me he’s going to be fine? Just like that?” Calvin asked skeptically. 

I smiled resignedly, being pretty sure what the next few minutes of my life were going to look like. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s not going to be fine. He’s going to be a werewolf. That was a werewolf blood I just gave him.” I kinda wished I had a microphone to drop. 

As it turned out, my prediction about my future was pretty much spot on. The “You did what!” was truly deafening and came from all directions, followed shortly by every gun in the place being brandished at someone. They were mostly pointed at me, but I think some of the hunters were confused as to what was going on and just wanted to be included, so were pointing theirs at each other. 

 Damien looked like he was about to take the Irish position and just beat everyone in sight. My gun remained safely in my holster, my hands held up in the universal sign for “Don’t taze me, bro”. Luckily, I was able to get Cal to let me try explaining before this devolved into a very bloody three stooges routine.

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10
Part 11    Part 12    Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17     Part 18     Part 19
Part 20     Part 21    

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What Christmas Story do you want to see?


Ok everybody, we want to put out another holiday contest but we can’t decide on the theme. We need your help. We’ll have this poll up all week where you get to pick the theme for our Christmas story contest, we’ll write them, then you get to decide who’s story wins. Vote now!

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Bad Deeds Done for Good Reasons, Llc.


James’s Note: I’ve always had a problem with bullies and abusers, so I’m a sucker for some instant karma. Remember, if you find yourself in a bad situation, there’s always someone you can reach out to for help. If the situation is bad enough, well, there are professionals for that. Disclaimer: I cannot officially advocate murder, no matter how much they may deserve it.

Melissa took some deep breaths, trying to stifle her sobs. It was hard to do, since the broken ribs made each breath painful. She looked at the business card in her hand while the phone rang. It read, “Bad Things done for Good Reasons. No job too big or small. Ask about our promotional deals.” Below that was the number Melisa had just dialed.

The ringing stopped and the voice on the other line answered, “Bad Things Done for Good Reasons, Llc. How can I help you today?”

Melissa’s voice shuddered a little as she managed to speak. Her voice sounded strange with her swollen, broken nose. “Yes, My name is Melissa Walker. I’m not even sure why I’m calling. My friend Katy just said if it ever got too bad I should call this number. Well, it just got really fucking bad. I guess I don’t even know what I’m doing…”

“Katy, Katy….” There was the sound of shuffling papers. “Would that be Mrs. Williams?”

“Yeah, that’s Katy. Katy Williams.”

“Mrs. Williams is a very good customer. We helped her with a little issue last year. Would you say you have a similar issue?” The voice was professional and dapper.

Melissa thought about Katy’s ‘little issue’, which had surely been her asshole husband, Mark. He had been good friends with her own asshole husband, right up until Mark drank himself to death last july.

“I guess you could say we have the same problem, but what can you guys do? I mean, are you like a women’s shelter or something?”

“Oh, not at all, Mrs. Walker. Not at all. We deal with these kinds of issues in a more permanent manner.”

“When you say deal with…”

“Oh, we offer a variety of packages. Our starting package will make it look like a random act of violence. A mugging gone wrong, for instance. For a nominal upcharge we can make it look like natural causes. That was the package Miss Williams selected. She was quite happy with it.”

Melissa might have been shaken by recent events, but she wasn’t stupid. “Wait, wait, wait. Are you telling me you killed Katie’s husband? You’re, what, like hitmen or something?”

The voice chuckled. “Well, I wouldn’t call us anything so crude or common but I do believe you get the gist. I think you’ll find our rates very reasonable. My partner wanted to name the company “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap”, but I put my foot down. While not inaccurate, I felt it was tasteless.”

Melissa didn’t know what she found harder to believe; the fact that these guys really were some kind of assassins, or the fact that she was about to inquire about price. 

“So, how much is it?” She felt deeply uneasy asking, but the pain from the broken ribs as she spoke helped ease her guilt a little.

“Our basic rate is $274,833, which is the current market value for 13 pounds of gold. That’s what we reckon as the traditional value of a life. It’s a little extra if you want the extended suffering package.”

“There’s no way I could afford that.” Mellisa’s voice was flat with a mixture of disappointment and relief. “This was probably a mistake, calling. Katy just gave me this card…”

The voice cut her off in the politest possible way. “That wouldn’t be one of our promotional cards, would it?”

Melissa stuttered, caught off guard. “Uhm, I guess so. It says something about deals.” 

“Why didn’t you say so? That entitles you to a free service. We’ll do it as a custom job. And don’t worry, all our work is guaranteed untraceable to you. We’ll get started on your husband right away.”

“Wait!” Melissa shouted. “You can’t… I mean I’m not sure..”

“Don’t worry, Mrs Walker. We’ll take care of everything. And as I always tell our customers, don’t let the whole taking of a human life bother you. I assure you, there are no humans involved.”

The voice chuckled again, this time sounding subtlety wrong. “Sorry, my little joke. Have a good day, Mrs. Walker.”

The line disconnected with a click that sounded like the door of a tomb slamming shut.

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The Trials of Marrying a Vampire: Cleaning the Fridge


Sharon’s Notes: If you live with someone else, the fridge eventually becomes a zone of contention. The best way to resolve those issues is the same way you resolve anything else. Constructive communication. Warning: Author vehemently denying that she’s the one putting mostly empty jars of jelly back in the fridge.


“Jack!” Anice called, holding the fridge door open with one hand and a 3/4th empty bottle of blood that, according to the hand written label, had expired two weeks ago.

“Yeah, Babe?” Jack walked into the kitchen with a squirming puppy under his arm. Baskerville, the puppy, was trying desperately to get up to lick the hand that was holding him by the stomach, but couldn’t manage it. 

She rotated the bottle so that the slightly off colored blood swirled inside. “I found three of these in the fridge.”

“What? They aren’t empty.” Jack cocked his head to the side, unsure of the issue here.

“No, they aren’t, but they’ve gone bad. Smell.” Anice released the fridge door to open the bottle. She didn’t need to bring it closer for his sensitive nose to pick up the vague rancid smell. He wrinkled his nose.

“Ew, yeah. That’s turned. Better throw it out.”

“There are two more of these.” She reiterated. “Jack, is there something wrong that you aren’t finishing the bottles?”

Jack shrugged, the puppy under his arm yipped in over the motion. “A whole bottle is just a little more than I want at a time, that’s all.”

“Yes, but why don’t you finish off the old bottle before opening the new one?”

The vampire squirmed uncomfortably. “Look, I know that we can only hunt so often, so we have to get the bottled stuff. It’s not too bad with a freshly opened bottle, but after that it goes from just kind of okay to kind of gross. I know it’s expensive, so I’ll try not to waste it anymore, okay?”

“Babe,” Anice chucked the bottle in the trash and walked over to her husband. “If it’s that bad, we can figure out a way to hunt more often.”

“No, no. We can’t risk over hunting the area. You go through all the trouble of helping me hunt, the least I can do is suck it up and, well, suck it up.” Jack grinned at his pun. An ice rolled her eyes, but smiled.

“Tell you what, I need to order some more anyway. I’ll talk to our rep and see if they have smaller bottles. That way you at least get a fresh one every time. Does that work for you?” She leaned forward to pet the puppy.

“Works for me.” Jack agreed, giving his wife a kiss. When he pulled back he had an eyebrow mischievously raised. “Since we’re talking about housekeeping, may I bring up the towels you leave on the bathroom floor?”

“No. No you may not.” Anice smirked.

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