The Trials of Marrying a Vampire: Cleaning the Fridge


Sharon’s Notes: If you live with someone else, the fridge eventually becomes a zone of contention. The best way to resolve those issues is the same way you resolve anything else. Constructive communication. Warning: Author vehemently denying that she’s the one putting mostly empty jars of jelly back in the fridge.


“Jack!” Anice called, holding the fridge door open with one hand and a 3/4th empty bottle of blood that, according to the hand written label, had expired two weeks ago.

“Yeah, Babe?” Jack walked into the kitchen with a squirming puppy under his arm. Baskerville, the puppy, was trying desperately to get up to lick the hand that was holding him by the stomach, but couldn’t manage it. 

She rotated the bottle so that the slightly off colored blood swirled inside. “I found three of these in the fridge.”

“What? They aren’t empty.” Jack cocked his head to the side, unsure of the issue here.

“No, they aren’t, but they’ve gone bad. Smell.” Anice released the fridge door to open the bottle. She didn’t need to bring it closer for his sensitive nose to pick up the vague rancid smell. He wrinkled his nose.

“Ew, yeah. That’s turned. Better throw it out.”

“There are two more of these.” She reiterated. “Jack, is there something wrong that you aren’t finishing the bottles?”

Jack shrugged, the puppy under his arm yipped in over the motion. “A whole bottle is just a little more than I want at a time, that’s all.”

“Yes, but why don’t you finish off the old bottle before opening the new one?”

The vampire squirmed uncomfortably. “Look, I know that we can only hunt so often, so we have to get the bottled stuff. It’s not too bad with a freshly opened bottle, but after that it goes from just kind of okay to kind of gross. I know it’s expensive, so I’ll try not to waste it anymore, okay?”

“Babe,” Anice chucked the bottle in the trash and walked over to her husband. “If it’s that bad, we can figure out a way to hunt more often.”

“No, no. We can’t risk over hunting the area. You go through all the trouble of helping me hunt, the least I can do is suck it up and, well, suck it up.” Jack grinned at his pun. An ice rolled her eyes, but smiled.

“Tell you what, I need to order some more anyway. I’ll talk to our rep and see if they have smaller bottles. That way you at least get a fresh one every time. Does that work for you?” She leaned forward to pet the puppy.

“Works for me.” Jack agreed, giving his wife a kiss. When he pulled back he had an eyebrow mischievously raised. “Since we’re talking about housekeeping, may I bring up the towels you leave on the bathroom floor?”

“No. No you may not.” Anice smirked.

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3 Comments

  1. Sharon – I really liked this transposition of The Vampire Couple and using very Human Issues they might have. Really good – Keep going.

    Like

  2. Baskerville! I just read the other Baskerville story. Yay!
    I guess there’s no way to prep blood for a vampire to use later. No blood pudding, blood sausage, blood smoothies or whatever. That’s too bad.

    Like

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