Zombie Appreciation


Sharon’s Note: Another Appearance by guest author Lee McMullen! The morality of science has always been problematic. Mankind has done monstrous and miraculous things. Sometimes science must be reigned in to stop the prior. Sometimes ignorance and corruption prevent the latter. Either way, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Warning: Can you keep a secret?


It has been 14 days and 17 hours since the sample was extracted from the subject.  The strange cellular activity is still apparent and is possibly accelerating. This phenomena is not in line with any existing theory of zombie occurrences or any other known biological process.

The journal entry pretty much said it all.  After spending two years in scientific and legal battles he had finally gotten approval to clinically observe a human turning into a zombie.  The battles with the government, university, ethics boards, and special interest groups had seemed endless. The final approval to move forward was finally granted only after a zombie had come alive in a Manhattan condo that led to the death of some highly connected neighbors.

A terminally ill volunteer agreed to donate their body to science and allow it to be infected with the zombie virus.  As the patient died careful monitoring watched at a cellular level to form an understanding of exactly what a zombie was and how it transformed a human corpse.  The initial inoculation with the virus at the moment of death went smoothly and the instrumented corpse began the process of becoming a zombie.

Four hours into the test the laboratory was raided by a group of activists rioting for zombie rights.  Their claim was that zombies were a new life form that deserves respect and the right to “live” unmolested.  The fact that after their conversion from corpse to zombie they killed humans indiscriminately causing the virus to spread had no bearing on the activists’ position.  They are possibly an offshoot of PETA. But, there is a happy ending. After the rescue the subject ate two of its rescuers.

Before the test subject was stolen a series of samples were collected for finer analysis.  These are all that remained of the test and what were now yielding the strange data.  

Time 14 days 22 hours: This is amazing! I have identified how the virus works.  In a weakened bio-system the virus enters a near dead cell and rebuilds it to its original function.  If the cell is already dead the cell takes on the characteristic of the zombie virus and you get a full zombie.  In a cell that is still alive the virus reconstructs the cell to its original form then appears to be destroyed by the human immune system. Based on this observation the potential for using the zombie virus as a medical treatment is food for thought.

In the aftermath of the raid on the laboratory, the scientific team began picking up the pieces in hopes of salvaging as much of the research as possibleDiscussions with the university ethics board and government regulators to allow a second trial are not going well.  It seems the zombie rights activist have dropped a large donation to the congressman chairing the committee and suddenly a need to determine why zombies exist and how to stop the attacks on the living is superseded by their rights.  There are even murmurings of repealing the law that required all corpses to be cremated to preclude the creation of a zombie. It seems that this law infringes on zombie’s right to exist. When approached about repeating the experiment the protestors launched a scathing social media campaign accusing the researchers of “zombie genocide” and crimes against humanity.  Still haven’t figured out that particular accusation being that zombies aren’t human.

Time 16 days 1 hour: The cells taken from the zombie are still active but not reproducing.  That is interesting because a foundation of biology is that cells must be capable of reproducing for an organism to be viable.  Discussions within the research team has brought forth widely varied theories on how the infected cells can appear to live without reproduction.  Normal toxins do not appear to affect them nor does radiation. The latter makes sense because radiation damage is closely tied to cellular reproduction.  In a side observation the living cells infected with the zombie virus still appear healthy and are functioning normally. This is confusing because the living cultures had abnormalities when they were infected. The living cells were not handled in a controlled manner so will warrant closer examination.  

Today the Zombie Protection Front (ZPF) announced a major victory in government approval of a bill declaring zombies a protected class and funding to create preserves for them to exist in peace.  The first to be built in western New Jersey. As part of the bill it is now illegal to kill a zombie except in self-defense. When questioned about the fact that zombies ate living humans the ZPF representative was quoted “we believe that zombies can be converted to a vegan diet once their living needs are met”. This is an interesting opinion because at this time science doesn’t know how zombies actually survive.

Time 21 days: The zombie calls have exhibited no change they exhibit no sign of accepted cell life but aren’t dead, they just exist.  Further experimentation on living cells have shown repeatable results. When a living cell is infected with the zombie virus all cellular abnormalities are corrected and the cells resume normal function.  An additional observation is that the cell cannot be re-infected with the zombie virus. This is the last entry on this research do to the prohibition on zombie research.  

As of today we can no longer experiment using the zombie cells. The research team has agreed to carry on in secret based on our data on the impact on living cells.  A team member has broached the possibility of infecting a terminally ill subject with the zombie virus in an attempt to save them. It turns out that their spouse has terminal cancer and has been given two months to live.  Although it is illegal and dangerous we have decided to proceed. 

This is a record of the experiment that must never be revealed.  

Today we met at the subject’s home and injected the zombie into the cancerous areas and began observations.  There were no immediate outward effects. Within two hours the subject noted that the pain level associated with the cancer had drastically diminished.  No other changes were noted, if nothing else the pain control without drugs looks promising.  

Twelve hours after inoculation we collected a tumor cell sample.  Outside observations’ show the tumor size has reduced and the subject still reports no pain and no other effects. Analysis of the cell sample shows a strange mix of cancerous and healthy cells.  We are not sure what is happening but it appears to follow the same pattern as observed in the lab.

Twenty four hours have elapsed since inoculation and the subject is up and about.  They had been bedridden and in extreme pain. Although they are still weak they now can take food by mouth and resume some normal functions.  All outward signs of the cancer are gone. Cell samples show a further decrease in cancerous cells. No signs of “zombification” have appeared.

Ninety six hours and the subject appears to be cancer free.  This is amazing but we now have an unforeseen problem, how to explain the subjects recovery.  In the first outside travels with the subject the group was attacked by zombies. It was noted that all members of the group were targeted except the test subject, luckily no one was hurt.

Our tentative conclusion is that the zombie virus can be used to treat human disease and may possibly act as a type of vaccine against zombies.  We are not sure how to proceed because if we announce our research we will end up in jail.

It has been two years since our illegal experiment.  The test subject still enjoys perfect health. Their recovery marked down to modern medicine and the power of prayer.  The rest of the country is in shambles. The ZPF have unleashed a terror on the country that may not be containable. Thousands have been killed but still the ZPF leaders safe in their guarded enclaves and officials’ fat from their bribes persist in the insanity.  The research team still meets in secret and have all opted to be inoculated with the zombie virus. This has made us undetectable to zombies so we are not attacked and enjoy good health. 

On a personal note I have a final observation.  After my inoculation several physiological changes we noted.  Although I have reached the venerable age of eighty seven, I now feel forty and private test verify I have in effect grown younger.  If others on the team have noticed this nothing has been said.  

We risked arrest to follow science to help mankind and now that the team has made an amazing discovery we cannot share it for fear of imprisonment.  If the ZPF and others who have the power our discoveries would be reserved for them and their chosen ones. The team has decided to keep our discovery secret and slowly build a group of zombie immune people and let the ZPF and their cronies be destroyed by their own insanity.

For now only I know the ultimate secret, zombies make you immortal.

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